Within The Shadows Read online

  “Is there room for one more?” he asked.

  “Sure, but it’s getting kinda cold now.” I tried not to sound disinterested. After all, we were meant to be in the throes of newly wedded passion. It did not bother him. He stepped out of his robe, and climbed into the tub behind me.

  As he pulled me back, I rested my head against his chest. His arms were strong and muscular, and they wrapped themselves around me, holding me tightly, refusing to let go. His complexion was much paler than mine, but not a deathly white, more of a soft pearl. He was beautiful, too beautiful for me. I was nothing compared to him. I knew girls back home who were more curvaceous and drop dead gorgeous, girls more his type. I was just your normal girl next door. Nothing striking, except for the darkness that grew within.

  “What is it that bothers you so much?” he prodded.

  “I’m okay. I’m just so tired . . . mentally.”

  “Oh, why?”

  I laughed hysterically. “Oh, my God, Alex. This is all so wrong!”

  He pushed me off him. I turned round to face him. “You didn’t say that last night. I heard no complaints.”

  “Of course, you didn’t. You did that thing . . . You make me lose control. I hate that you never give me a choice. I haven’t had a say in any of this. If you love me, why use some weird vampire thing on me? Why not let me decide how far I want things to go?”

  I got out of the tub, and wrapped his robe around me. He followed behind me, shouting at me.

  “Yeah, so what? I used a little compulsion on you. It’s not exactly against my work ethic. Besides, you would never have given yourself to me willingly. You’re still too hung up on that loser, Marc.”

  “Marc? What has he got to do with any of this? If I remember right, it was you who bit me, and did some weird thing to my body. And now I’m married to you. This is all your doing. It has never been about love. It’s been about you and your family’s selfish needs. I am just the piggy in the middle. The glorified incubator for the bastard spawn of a vampire.”

  He hit me full smack across the face. I fell back, and hit my head on the ground. Shocked, tears filled my eyes. Holding a hand to my cheek, I looked away from him. Trying to get up off of the floor, I stumbled, and fell back down. I gave in to the dizziness.

  Holding in my cry, I watched him walk over to me. Naked and wet, he bent down in front of me. He brushed the cheek he’d hit. I saw regret blaze across his face, but his words were cold.

  “Do not ever talk to me like that again!”

  “I . . . I didn’t mean anything.”

  “Yes. You. Did. You forget, I know you better than you know yourself. Remember, I have spent a long time waiting for you, but I am no fool, and I will not have you, my wife, speak to me with such venom. Now, clean yourself up. We must feed.”

  Food was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, to sink into self-pity. I was hurt he’d hit me, and angry that I allowed him to get away with it. I knew I was not a match for him, and never would be. For all I knew, if I were to ignore his requests, things would probably get a lot worse, and I was not really in the mood to gamble.

  I put on a pair of tight-fitting jeans and a red cami top. Drying my hair, my stomach made some familiar noises, and I knew food was probably a necessity. My thirst was hard to ignore, and even in my emotional state, it was overwhelming.

  As I walked alongside Alex, neither of us spoke. Obvious tension surrounded us as we walked into a large marbled room. We were met with Atarah and Leonid’s interested gazes. She sat demurely while gesturing to a small-framed girl who did not make eye contact with either of them. She retreated, and walked over to us.

  Her posture was bad, and I was startled by how young she clearly was. She could not have been more than fifteen. Her golden hair was tied back in a tight bun. Her face was pretty, although dark circles sat under her ashen blue eyes, and her lips were plump and red. She made no attempt to smile or frown. Her expression was blank and lifeless. I instantly felt sorry for her.

  “Please, follow me, Your Majesties,” she requested. Her voice was quiet and sad.

  She took us to a small room that led off from where Atarah and Leonid sat sipping from crystal wine glasses. Walking inside, the sweet aroma was the first thing to hit my senses.

  Blood.

  A burst of excitement filled me. Looking around the room, I saw a skinny redheaded woman sitting back on a berry chaise lounge. A fire crackled in the background. Its heat made the air warm, and increased the burning thirst at the back of my throat.

  Alex took me by the hand, and led me to her. She sat upright, a hunger in her own eyes. “Giselle, this is Natalia. She will be your donor tonight.”

  I was taken aback, and shocked. I sat down beside her, nervously smiling. On the table beside her was a row of peculiar looking daggers. Each had a different symbol on its head, similar to the emblem Afanas wore on his face. Unlike Alex, I did not have fangs, and required a different method to obtain the blood.

  Natalia reached over, and picked the smallest dagger. Cutting deep into her inner thigh, I gasped in horror. Opening her leg wide, she waited for me to move close to the wound. I felt disgusted that another woman wanted me near her, never mind to drink from her, but the scent of the sweet intoxicating fluid was too much to resist. Kneeling down, I slipped my tongue over the gash, and instantly, the impulse of resistance left me.

  The blood trickled downwards. Its syrupy texture enticed my thirst. I gave in, and found myself drinking the luxurious claret, letting it fill my mouth. Its velveteen texture exploded, and satisfied the greed that consumed me.

  I pulled myself away from her. I looked deep into her eyes, and she gasped. It was then I had my first taste of a soul. It poured into me. The impact was like a thousand fireworks exploding inside me. Its fireball plunged within me, and I felt an instant satisfaction caused by the energy itself. I had never tasted anything so beautiful.

  Shocked and bewildered, I stared at Natalia. She rested her head on the back of the lounger. Her eyes were sleepy, and her face looked withdrawn. She was now a shadow of the person I had seen when I first came into the room.

  Alex placed his hands on my shoulders, urging me to move. I walked to the side of the fireplace, and stared at the flames dancing along the wooden logs. Alex took my place on the chaise lounge, and proceeded to move his mouth over Natalia’s neck. She let out a small cry. Before long, the cry turned into something else, pleasure.

  For a moment, a pang of jealousy came over me. Alex was my husband, and seeing him feed from this stranger made my insides twist with anger. I could not help the feelings I felt, and surprised myself with the disgust that consumed me. I wanted to rip her throat out in order to make sure Alex would never be able to feed from her again. Uncomfortable, I cleared my throat.

  Alex broke free from her neck, and looked at me. His eyes were like fire. Blood dripped from his mouth.

  “What?” he snapped.

  “Nothing,” I replied timidly.

  “Get. Out. Now!” he roared.

  I anxiously moved to the door, not once looking back. I wanted to cry, and found it hard to understand the confusion of feelings flowing through me. One minute, I hated him. The next, I felt jealousy.

  What was happening to me?

  Walking out of the room without Alex by my side left me feeling empty. I hated the way Atarah stared at me. Her eyes said it all. She detested me, for some reason, and I was on a mission to find out why, or at least die trying. She was the one who encouraged me to follow Alex the night he first fed from me, and I, unwittingly, was the fool.

  She had made me think it was the right thing to do. I had followed all procedures up until now. I had obeyed every rule that had been thrown down my throat, and for what? To be made to feel like some second-class citizen. I was not having any of it.

  Walking briskly up to her, I scowled. Her face as beautiful as ever, but something was seriously off with her. She did not come across as the
motherly figure I had first met. She was hardened and bitter. And I hated the cold.

  Leonid was different. Ever since he had rescued me from the shadow creatures, he seemed to have warmed a little. I no longer felt threatened by him.

  “So, what gives? Why am I being the one shunned, and treated so badly?” I asked, allowing Leonid to hear what I had to say.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about!”

  She laughed as she took another sip of what looked like red wine. “Oh, dearest Giselle, you are one for the dramatics. Really, don’t burden yourself with such nonsense. No one is treating you badly, and not one person here wishes to shun you. Please, take a seat, and have some refreshments.”

  Atarah looked up from her glass. She smiled at me. “Please, sit with us.”

  “I don’t want to. I want to know why Alex won’t leave Natalia,” I prodded, trying not to sound like a child or a jealous spouse.

  “Giselle, it has been a few weeks since Alexander fed properly. I think he is allowed to indulge, do you not agree?”

  The bitch. She was turning it all around.

  “I agree that he should feed, but I don’t agree with being kicked out. If he is my husband, then shouldn’t I have some say in how and who he drinks from?”

  Leonid cleared his throat. Looking at me, he spoke softly, ignoring Atarah. “You are new to this. Given time, you will understand the primal urge to indulge your basic instincts. Right now, Alexander is feasting, consuming his source of her blood. There is no sexual chemistry, no desire behind his bite. Natalia, however, may experience moments of euphoria, but that is a consequence of Alexander’s venom. She is merely food. It is nothing compared to what he experiences with you.”

  I could feel my cheeks blush. Embarrassed, I broke his gaze, and stared at the floor.

  “Do you understand now?” Sarcasm flowed through her words. “Now, sit with us. Eat.”

  Sitting down beside them was an odd experience. Neither spoke. They just consumed the food from their plates. The table was laid with plenty of choices – croissants, jams, cold meats, trays full of cheeses, and fresh fruit. I sniggered.

  “What do you find so amusing?” Leonid asked as I filled my plate.

  “It’s just . . . I didn’t think vampires ate ‘real’ food.”

  He laughed loudly. “Our bodies need nutrients, just like yours. Remember, we live just like you, only minus our souls, and we enjoy the taste. Anything else you’d like to ask?”

  “Yeah, why do I need the life source of my feeders?”

  Silence fell among us. Atarah shuffled in her seat. Her long purple nails scraped irritatingly on the neck of her wine glass.

  “Because, unlike us, you have the ability to drink the energy from the human psyche.”

  “Will it hurt them? Will they die? I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

  “No. They will be drained and tired, but they will live.”

  “Why can’t you do it? What’s wrong with you?” I asked as I stuffed a huge slice of brie into my mouth.

  “We were never in possession of a soul. The core of our essence has always been with the darkness. For those of us who inherited the gene, the soul left the body once they crossed over to the darkness. You are blessed with your soul, and for one to consume that energy, their soul must still be intact.”

  “Oh! Wow, I never realised how complicated all of this is.”

  Alex walked out from the room, looking radiant and calm. Watching him as he walked over to the table, he smiled at me. I remained inanimate. I was hurt because he had hit me, and hurt because he had made me feel about two feet tall in front of Natalia.

  “I trust you are satisfied?” Leonid asked Alex as he sat down beside me.

  “Yes. I had almost forgotten how exquisite it can be direct from the source. To have no limitations.”

  I sat in silence, trying to swallow my mouthful of raspberries. I observed how the three of them interacted with each other. They seemed so awkward together. It was obvious that Alex and Leonid did not get along. I could feel the animosity between them.

  Atarah favoured Alex over her husband. This again was apparent from her adoring looks that left me feeling very uncomfortable. My own relationship with my parents was not perfect, but it was not flawed like this. I had equal love for my mother and father, and I longed for them. I wished to see them, and feel their love. Not this mocking display of family life.

  I missed home so much.

  Alex ate a handful of blueberries, and washed them down with a glass of grapefruit juice. His hands were model-like, and I remembered how they had felt when he touched me. I found it hard to believe that someone who portrayed so much gentleness and love could turn so nasty, and use them as weapons.

  Alex pulled me out of my train of thought, and involved me in the conversation. “Was it better for you not to watch?” he asked.

  “Err . . . um, I . . . what?”

  “Do you ever listen? It was better that you didn’t see me feed from Natalia, don’t you agree?”

  “It all depends. You watched me, so why not show me the same courtesy? If nothing sordid was going on, why did you tell me to leave?”

  “Because I did not want you to see me like that. Like the monster I am.”

  I was taken aback by his revelation. A pang of guilt built up inside my chest. I felt selfish for thinking about me, but his actions from earlier hung over us. He had caused us both pain. I could not imagine myself forgiving him.

  Atarah and her smug grin left the table. She glided effortlessly across the room toward the door. Leonid followed, leaving us with something to ponder over.

  “What lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do.” He smiled at me, and left.

  “What does he mean?” I whispered.

  “It could mean a thousand things.”

  “But it doesn’t, does it?”

  “No!”

  “So?” Agitated, I pressed him for an answer. Anything.

  “If we have the power to do something, we should do it in the right way. It must be good for everyone, and ensure no harm comes to those we love, or at least that is what I believe it to mean.”

  “Oh, God. I think I get it.”

  I was not getting out of this any time soon, and there was no way I could just run. Something inside told me I had to wait this out. I guess it was a situation that required me to go along with it, even if it meant succumbing to Alex’s compulsion.

  He got up, and held his hand out to me. “Yes, I think you do, and given time, you will learn to embrace this new life.”

  Chapter Ten

  THE NEXT TWO weeks passed in something of a haze, fuelled by a mixture of blood and life energy. Being alone with Alex did not thrill me. He no longer scared me as he had before, and by giving myself to him willingly, I was able to have some control over my feelings. Yet, underneath his false displays of affection, I could sense something else, a small cluster of feelings he held close. Every so often, I could feel them seep through into our moments of intimacy, often clouding my own judgment.

  By closing my own heart to him, I refused to allow myself to fall victim to his own inner turmoil. Now I needed my faculties, but there was always the compulsion that got the better of me. I knew I had to try my best to overcome that controlling force, yet I had no way of really escaping the overwhelming sensation that came over me. In the end, it left me craving for more, like an addict wanting her next fix or drink.

  Atarah had finally stepped back, or at least appeared to be giving us some much needed space and privacy. There were times when she seemed so warm and gentle, but on other occasions she scared the hell out of me. It was her eyes. They were so cold, and full of hate. When she looked at me, it was as though she resented having to share the room with me. Something about her relationship with Leonid appeared off, and when she caught me watching, (as she always did), she would stare at me until I mentally crumbled. She was more powerful than anyo
ne I knew, and I really did not want to get on the wrong side of her.

  Afanas was becoming an ally, someone I could count on in my many moments of desperation. He would help me rationalize my feelings, and helped un-cloud my judgments. He really was my only friend, and although he still scared me, he was the only one who was honest with me. There was no sugar-coating the harsh reality that I was expected to carry Alex’s child. He was straight to the point, and not once did he try to make it out to be something it was not.

  Things were certainly moving fast. With Afanas’s help, I was learning to control my thirst, something that seemed impossible at the beginning. I was also learning how to use the life energy to my advantage. One benefit was being able to disregard the imprint of darkness that had left its permanent mark between my breasts. Even though I could feel the presence of the darkness running through me, I was able to look at myself without hating what I saw.

  “Will it always be there?” I asked Afanas.

  Lifting his gaze from his journal, he placed the pen down, and folded his arms. “The darkness is a part of you now, and to answer your question, yes, it will always be there. Giselle, there is no changing what has been done. As you grow, so will the shadow. The stronger you become, the stronger the hold darkness will have on you.”

  “Great, so not only do I suck at everything else, but now I will look like a freak forever.”

  “Oh, I can assure you that you are quite appealing to the eye. I doubt you understand just how special you are, but given time, you will see things very differently.”

  Looking out of the window, he smiled, and I could see the reflection of the moon clearly in his eyes. “The night is still young. Go and refresh your mind with a walk, or maybe indulge in something girls of your age like doing.”

  “Afanas, girls my age don’t live like this, and they certainly wouldn’t be caught dead sitting next to you,” I joked.

  “It has been quite some time since I had the blood of a young maiden.” He closed his eyes, and then looked at me slyly.

  “Afanas, I was joking,” I said, worried.